Why Christians need to be able to spot manipulation in the opposite sex.

Women have one of the great acts of all time. The smart ones act very feminine and needy, but inside they are real killers. The person who came up with the expression ‘the weaker sex’ was either very naive or had to be kidding. I have seen women manipulate men with just a twitch of their eye — or perhaps another body part.

  • Donald Trump, in The Art of the Comeback

Ha!  I think we may have found our answer to my previously asked question: Why did the boys like dizzy girls and not smart girls?

Actually, I don’t agree that all smart women decide to act feminine and needy to get what they want from men, but he is correct that this behavior is part of the possible feminine repertoire, even if some women choose never to use it.

But why do some women choose to use it?  Is it because they are “killers”?  I don’t know, but I suspect they are probably using it because they have found that this behavior works.  It gets them what they want because some (many? most?) men like it and respond to it.

This is the same reason why I have very little sympathy for the feminists who are flipping out about the pick-up artist lecturer Roosh V coming to Canada; “game” is a male behavior some men use for getting what they want.  If feminists don’t want men to act like pick up artists, then instead of mouthing some “sex positive” bull pucky about how empowering casual hook-ups are, they ought to encourage women not to respond to this kind of behavior by giving men who use it what they want.  Similarly, if men don’t like women putting on a feminine and needy act to get what they want, they shouldn’t be so quick to respond to such women by giving them what they want.  If you don’t like some particular behavior, don’t respond to it and teach your children to spot and avoid it as well.

Why do Christians need to learn how to spot and avoid these behaviors?  Shouldn’t they just “know better”?  The reason I think we need to teach this is because men were designed to desire sweet, submissive women who will be good helpers (“I will make a helper suitable for him”); putting on a needy act simulates being a sweet, submissive helper.  Similarly, women were designed to desire a strong, dominant man who can take care of his family; using “game” simulates that.  If we don’t teach our young people to recognize when someone is really making a genuine effort to be a sweet, submissive woman who would make a good helper or a strong man who desires and is able to lead a family, they will be more likely to be tricked by women who are acting needy to acquire resources from a man or men who are using game to acquire casual sex from a woman.

Not All Millennials Are Like That: hopeful signs among high schoolers.

I’ve been surprised at the astounding maturity level of some of the high schoolers I’ve observed lately. Supposedly this generation is video game obsessed, unprepared for the real world, spoiled, and self-involved, but anecdotally I can report that at least some of them seem to have maturity and wisdom that I don’t see among many twenty- and thirty-year-olds.

I don’t want to violate anyone’s privacy, so I’m going to be very vague with their personal details here, but let me describe a little bit of what I’ve witnessed.

1. I recently met a high school senior who got married not long ago and not because of an unplanned pregnancy. It sounds like it should be a terrible situation, but in reality the young couple have vocational education and job plans all mapped out, and one of them is already working and earning decent enough money for someone so young. They have a workable division of labor such that their home is clean and they have home-cooked meals, and they stay within their budget.

I know middle-aged people who aren’t doing that well.

2. I overheard a high schooler talking with an adult about a sibling who graduated from college after spending a huge sum of money on a useless degree and who is now working at a minimum wage job. This high schooler was angry about it because the sibling wasted the parents’ money but did not pursue any sort of career. The high schooler resolved not to follow in the sibling’s footsteps.

3. Demand for vocational education among the high schoolers I know is high. Others who plan to go to college have expressed the intention to live at home while doing so in order to avoid the party scene and to save money.

4. Many of the high school girls I observe look better than girls just 5-10 years older. College girls who have cut their hair short, dyed it blue, and added a nose ring are a common sight around Ann Arbor and Ypsilanti, but the high school girls out in the rural areas look pretty decent. The desire to mutilate one’s appearance seems to be waning and few of the high school girls I’ve spoken to have indicated an interest in getting tattoos or facial piercings. You Go Grrlisms are less common than in young women just a few years older.

5. I was observing some girls at the sports club where one of my daughters plays volleyball. The gym was packed with tall, lithe girls with long ponytails, chatting pleasantly with their friends and parents, working out, or draped over benches with their textbooks out, catching up on studying while waiting for their team’s turn on the court. They seemed both pleasant and serious, focused on doing well in school, excelling in sports, and having good relationships with their friends and family. They seem nothing like feminists even though they are fairly focused on personal achievement. They don’t seem obsessed with proving anything about girls or women. They don’t expect to be handed a free ride and they don’t expect trophies just for showing up.

6. Most high school girls and a surprising number of the boys that I’ve chatted with say quite plainly that they want to get married and have children. Many of the girls say they would like to do so while still relatively young. Some say they want to wait until after college, but I haven’t heard any say to me that they want to wait until they’re in their thirties to get married. That is in stark contrast to the official line that my generation of women (Gen X) spewed at the behest of the second-wave feminists that many of Gen X’s mothers were.

This is only anecdotal and is likely influenced by the demographics of where I live and work, but it seems like the group of high-school-aged young people who technically occupy the “millennial” generation label are quite different than Millennials who are only 10 years older. Compare the students I have just described with the U.S. Chamber of Commerce’s Jessica (not to be confused with President Obama’s Julia):

 A summary of Millennials, told in short story form

Titled “About ‘Jessica’” as it is one of the most popular names given to girls born in the 1980s and 1990s1

Jessica earned her first soccer trophy while she was still in nursery school. The soccer trophies and medals kept on coming, as did the ones for swimming, karate, basketball, Girl Scouts, and debate. She has been encouraged to be anything she wants to be. Because of the almost constant support she receives and her full schedule, she craves lots of attention in the form of praise and feedback. Her baby boomer parents shower her with attention and consult her about what restaurants the family visits and where they will go on vacation.

Jessica has a full collection of Beanie Babies. She and her parents would discuss which were the most coveted ones when they would drive her to school in the morning. Then, her parents would surprise her with these collectibles after purchasing them online, some at hefty prices!  They are now neatly stored in her parents’ attic for the time she has a child or house of her own.

Upon college, she expects a return on the investment in her tuition to be a minimum of a 3.6 GPA. Her Gen X+ professors want her to earn it. The transactional perspective on education typical of her generation is a harsh disconnect with her instructors.

Her college’s family engagement center enlightens instructors of this new student philosophy and encourages instructors to provide students more leeway than past cohorts. Professors endeavor to relate to and educate this new student and are humored by the continuing reminders of not using Wikipedia as an annotation source.

Jessica thinks that she will be in the top 20% of graduates in her class. The problem is that 66% of her peers think so too. That expectation later leads to some anxiety and a bit of depression, which concern her parents. They continue to support her and with the school find her a therapist to build up her usual hopefulness.

Jessica has a hard time finding a paying professional job upon graduation and wonders how she will afford her shared apartment and pay her remaining student loan debt. Once her unpaid internship does not result in a job, she moves back in with her parents.

Jessica acts quickly to a text from her friend Michael (the name given to more babies born in the 1980s and 1990s than any other1) that his organization is hiring.  Happily, she interviews and receives an offer with a fine starting salary. She verifies with her potential employer that she can still make her Wednesday late afternoon volleyball games and consults with her mom about the offer before accepting.

Her manager, who is 49, appreciates her enthusiasm and energy. Jessica clearly wants to be competent and successful. And while she can manage multiple tasks at once, her manager sees her missing some important information in meetings and wants her to improve her client relationship skills.

Lucky for Jessica, her manager has received training on how to coach his employees, particularly Gen Yers. Jessica has appreciated her manager’s support, and their relationship is positive. Jessica told her parents the company is OK, but her manager is great, so she plans to stay a while. She is enjoying the feeling of stability.

Her manager invests extra time in providing more context, interim goals, and plenty of feedback. The payoff is that Jessica is receptive and very open to developing her skills and is looking forward to her mentoring relationship with a director in another department. The director is also looking forward to a fruitful and informative alliance.

Many of Jessica’s friends are still looking for jobs, so she feels lucky. A few are going back for their master’s degrees. She’d like to increase her education one day as well. She texts her friends about her volleyball win and tweets that her company just launched a great new product and suggests they try it out.

Like Julia the creepy government daydream, Jessica sounds like some kind of creepy corporate daydream. No husband, no children, just a boss who tells her how super great she is and whom she loves so much that she’s just gonna devote her life to this company…why she loves it so much that she tweets to her friends encouraging them to buy its products. Yes, surely life’s meaning is found in our devotion to Encorpora and our commitment to Moar Master’s Degrees!

Jessica is an illusion, much like the fleeting illusions of “game” and beauty that can be used to hide something ugly, and what she represents is a deception meant to seduce and entice our young people away from kith and kin. But there is no Jessica and it seems like some of the younger Millennials are observing older Millennials and figuring this out for themselves.


Anatomy of an illicit seduction (Into the Woods, Lesson 3)

prince kiss

The scene from the Disney movie version of Into the Woods we will consider today is the one in which the Baker’s Wife has decided over her husband’s protests that they will walk 500 paces into the woods in opposite directions from each other to look for Jack.  After she is well away from him, Cinderella’s Prince Charming comes riding by on his horse.

Baker’s Wife: Hello, Sir.

Immediately we have our first lesson. Where is the Baker’s Wife? Is she where she is supposed to be? Is she with people who will keep her safe, both from others and from her own sinful and possibly dangerous impulses?

Lesson for women: Do not go where you should not be. There is no reason for women to be out drinking in bars, fraternity parties, or nightclubs (our modern equivalent of “the woods”) alone or with other groups of women.  It doesn’t matter if “everyone else” is going; you shouldn’t because it is both dangerous and foolish. Only neutral or bad consequences can result and a few moments of fun is not worth the potential cost to you physically, emotionally, and spiritually. There are plenty of places a young woman can meet a decent man that do not pose this kind of danger. And the Baker’s Wife, like all married women, had no reason to be off asserting her independence from her husband.

Cinderella’s Prince: Hello.

Baker’s Wife: You must be here to slay the giant.

Cinderella’s Prince: Yes.

Baker’s Wife: Have you come upon the giant yet?

Cinderella’s Prince: No.

Baker’s Wife: I have.

Cinderella’s Prince: (stops walking) You have?

Baker’s Wife: Yes.

Cinderella’s Prince: And why are you alone in the woods?

Baker’s Wife: I came with my husband. We were…well, it’s a long story.

Cinderella’s Prince: He would let you roam alone in the woods?

Baker’s Wife: No, actually, it was my choice. I’m looking for the lad.

Cinderella’s Prince: (moves closer) Your choice? How brave.

Baker’s Wife: Brave?

Cinderella’s Prince: (next to her) Yes.

Notice how the seducer affirms her foolish and rebellious behavior. Players who write about how they seduce women with what they call Game talk about this very tactic, which they refer to as overcoming a woman’s anti-slut defense.  They will say things like, “You’re a strong and independent woman. I admire the way you can be sexual when you want to be. No one has the right to judge you for that.”

Lesson for women: If a man is flirting with you and begins affirming some behavior that you’re engaging in, stop and reconsider the behavior. Is it really in line with your character? Does it really square with your sexual morals? Don’t let a man sweet talk you into believing that sin and rebellion are empowering and fun. That’s only what your itching ears want to hear in the moment.

The Prince begins singing to the Baker’s Wife:



(BAKER’S WIFE blinks)


Baker’s Wife: Uh…

Cinderella’s Prince: DON’T FEEL RUSHED

(he kisses her; she is stunned, turns to audience)

Notice how he becomes physical with her even before she expresses any desire for him to be. She didn’t clearly say no or push him away, so he moved in closer and then stole a kiss. Players refer to this as escalation or kino, which means during a seduction the man will escalate things sexually as quickly as possible and try to establish physical contact of some sort with the young woman he is trying to seduce.

This can feel very nice and flattering to a young woman, but she should immediately become cautious if a man whom she doesn’t know very well (or even one she does know) touches her in any sexual way. This is why sexual activity beyond holding hands and maybe a quick kiss should be left until marriage: because it is easy to get caught up in the moment, which feels very nice, and it is very difficult to say no once things begin progressing.

Lesson for women: Have clear boundaries about physical contact and never ever allow a man to transgress those. Despite all the feminist quacking about Yes Means Yes!, understand that it is your responsibility to say no loudly and clearly. A man you have no relationship with should never kiss you and you should get away from him very quickly if he “steals” a kiss, no matter how nice the kiss felt.

Baker’s Wife sings to the audience:




(resumes the kiss, then pulls away; music stops)

Wait one moment! We can’t do this. You have a princess.

Cinderella’s Prince: Well, yes, I do.

Baker’s Wife: And I have a Baker…

Cinderella’s Prince: Of course, you’re right. How foolish.

Here the Baker’s Wife offers what players call last minute resistance. She wants him to continue the seduction but she wants to put up some token resistance so that she can tell herself it “just happened” – why, it wasn’t like her at all, it was some trick of the woods!


Lesson for women: Our characters are revealed by what we say and do. If you want to be a woman of good character who would make a good wife, do not put up “token” resistance and then wait for the seducer to overcome it, for he surely will try if you give him any reason to believe he has a chance. You, like the Baker’s Wife, know right from wrong; never allow anyone to tempt you to engage in what you know is wrong. Remove yourself from his presence as quickly as you can.

The Prince sings:

(Music resumes)








(kisses her again)

Because she gave him the opportunity to continue seducing her, that is exactly what he has done, by trying to convince her to “let her hesitations be hushed”.

Baker’s Wife: But this is not right!








Again the Prince affirms her foolish behavior by directly telling her that there is no right or wrong and just to let go and follow her feelings. He encourages her to give in to the moment, even though she knows it is wrong. Players are very good at this kind of thing; if they suspect any possibility of a woman being sexually attracted to them, they will try every trick in the book to convince her to give in to her sexual urges.

Lesson for women: Resist and remove is the best course of action. Resist allowing a silver tongue to convince you to “follow your heart”. Why?

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9)

And remove yourself from the presence of the man who tries to entice you into sexual sin with him, no matter how tempting you find him. Feminists will try to convince you that casual sex is empowering, but evidence does not bear that out (some women will insist that as long as sex takes place in a “relationship,” whatever that means, it is somehow moral, but I would urge you to avoid that as well; marriage is the only safe and licit place for sexual activity).

If you seek marriage and family formation, do not allow yourself to be seduced. It is your responsibility to avoid players and seduction, and you can do that by educating yourself about the tricks (“game”) seducers use so that you can spot and avoid them.

Other posts in this series:

Useful outside reading (the posts are good reading but the comment threads should be avoided by young women):