Sunshine Thiry
Michigan
Bio: Christian, wife, mother, speech-language pathologist, poultry farmer.
About
The Sunshine Thiry Blog
A blog about family, faith, culture, politics, gardening, and small town life
Mary, This is the Toad.
I have asked for access to your (defunct) blog and received no answer. I am particularly interested in getting access to the comments of the guest-post I authored, as well as the previous post which I was responding to in the guest post. Would you please give me access? I think you can take comfort in knowing that I’m not one of your enemies.
B
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Please post some of your gems from the other blog.
Your Post: The Benefits of the Default Yes was my introduction to the manosphere and the original source of my book.
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Thought you might be interested in this in light of our past discussions.
http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2016/03/30/relationshipstrategies/respect-the-chemistry-of-attraction/
Susan Walsh finally admits what I’ve been saying for a few years now: Attraction, real sexual attraction, is either there, or it’s not. It cannot be ginned up. It cannot be created where it doesn’t exist. It cannot be generated where it’s not there.
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Well, if Susan Walsh says it, then it must be right! Is that your argument, then? 🙂
Anyway, her argument isn’t what you paraphrased it as. Her argument is that if the attraction isn’t there, don’t pursue the relationship, it’s not worth the effort, a statement I agree with.
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No, the argument isn’t “If Susan Walsh says it, then it must be right”. The argument is that more and more people are coming around to what I’ve long known to be true. Susan is just the latest to finally admit it.
And I disagree that her argument is “if attraction isn’t there, don’t pursue the relationship”. She’s stating you can’t create attraction from nothing:
“But here’s the problem. From a strategic point of view, how much time should you spend attempting to light a spark and then nurture it into a flame if the other person is not someone you’re bound to see regularly? I can’t recommend it.”
“It seems unlikely that going the extra distance with additional dates when there’s no chemistry is going to result in any kind of spontaneous combustion. There’s too much pressure to make something happen, and every date where you don’t feel a spark feels discouraging or even like a waste of time.”
And in fact she’s admitted she’s changed her position on how much time a woman should give a man if the attraction isn’t there initially. She used to say “give BetaBoy a chance.” Now she says “give BetaBoy the heave-ho”:
“One very common question I’m asked is how many dates or “chances” to give someone when there are no real sparks or chemistry in the beginning. In the past I’ve encouraged people to give it a few dates before calling it off, but now I’m not so sure.
“But if you’re dating online or going out with someone you don’t know yet, look for the chemistry from Day One. If it’s lacking, throw that fish back.”
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Happy summer vacation!
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