Pastor Eggerichs wonders: Do Wives Live by a Double Standard, and Is That Okay Because They Are Vulnerable Victims?
Pastor recounts the following email from a husband:
Recently, a husband e-mailed me: “My wife relishes the fact that she is a ‘strong independent woman.’ We are a blended family and I love my wife dearly. . . . We joined our lives in 2013 and combined accounts and everything else. I took care of the bills (to her request) and did a fine job.
(However) I questioned her on an issue dealing with her teenage son about the timing of getting his braces. This among some issues of the blending of the family drove her to separate out our accounts. It is a year later and she has no intention of joining our accounts. She keeps claiming that I do not like that she is fully “independent.” She also does not like telling me where she is going, does not want me to be a ‘step-dad’ to the kids (as they already have a dad they see every other weekend).
I am very hurt by this as it is again a separation move by her. It is not about the money to me. I am the majority earner in our family. To me, it’s about trust, becoming one with another person. When I married my wife I wanted the two to become one. That is not to say for her or I to lose our individuality but the two shall become one. Right now there is no way to plan for retirement together or plan for the future. We can’t even pay bills effectively as she pays some bills and I have to ask daily what she has paid. She is very happy with her taking care of her kids and me taking care of mine. This drives me insane. I hate the way she has forced us to live.”
Thankfully, Dr. Eggerichs has begun to notice the unbiblical attitudes that have oozed into Christian marriage. He asks:
Does a wife have a right to be independent like this? Let me answer that with a question: Does a husband have a right to be independent like this?
What would you think if the wife complained, “We can’t even pay bills effectively as he pays some bills and I have to ask daily what he has paid”?
What would you feel if the husband decided to separate the accounts when questioned by his wife, declared that he needed to be appreciated as fully independent, expressed that he did not like being asked where he was going, and asked his wife to stop being a step-mom to his kids?
Many gals would feel disgust about this mistreatment of a wife. They would label this husband as abusive. But how many would label a wife as abusive for doing such things?
We need more pastors asking these kinds of questions. Desperately. Let us all be in prayer that the Lord will have mercy on us for turning away from His perfect marriage model outlined in the Bible and send us leaders who will be unashamed of His Word.