A campfire and a conversation with God about grass.


This could not have been a more perfect Saturday evening.  After church, Phil made a fire in our fire pit, and we roasted hot dogs over the flames and made s’mores.  The weather was glorious, around 70 degrees, clear, with a gentle breeze that discouraged the mosquitoes.  The children did Sparklers and kayaked on the pond in the dusky light.  I had a glass of wine and listened to the frogs chatting with one another back and forth across the pond as the first evening stars popped into sight.  I know this is not everyone’s idea of a great time, but to me this is heaven on earth.  I have very simple requirements at this point in my life: God, family, nature, and food.

And now here is a bit of light humor I found on a permaculture gardening forum, an imaginary conversation between God and St. Francis:

GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is
going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets,
milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance
garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and
multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts
butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast
garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.

St.FRANCIS:It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They
started calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went to great lengths to kill them
and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract
butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It’s sensitive to
temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep
it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any
other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast.
That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut
it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow.
And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on
the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a
lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops
growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they
cancontinue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer
stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring
to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the
ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect
the trees and bushes. It’s a natural cycle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new
circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay
to have them hauled away.

GOD: No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter
and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something
which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of
the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you’re
in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE: ‘Dumb and Dumber’, Lord. It’s a story about….

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.


Ha!  This is not actually in the Bible, of course, but it’s a good combination of humor and social commentary.

May the rest of your weekend be peaceful and blessed by the true God of the Bible, who lives and reigns now and forever!

The LORD will reign forever, Your God, O Zion, to all generations. Praise the LORD! Psalm 146:10


14 thoughts on “A campfire and a conversation with God about grass.

    • Happy Summer Vacation!

      If only! Even though school is out, therapists (OT/PT/SLP/SW) don’t get done until June 15! I’m taking comp days on Friday and Monday, though (we can earn comp days if we do evaluations or IEPs in the evening or go to a conference on the weekend).

      And my poor kids still have school up through mid week! That’s a bitter pill for them as nearly all districts around here finished up on Friday. 🙂

      Are you done for the summer now?

      Liked by 1 person

  1. R. Lee Ermey is hard on watermelons. This guy has it in for lawnmowers.

    Every spring, I lok forward to airing out the house. I open all the windows to be serenaded by lawnmowers. As one finishes, another will pick up.
    Humans are silly.


  2. This is all part of a plot to bore Sunshine’s philosophical opponents to tears.

    Oh, you think this is boring, just wait until you read my upcoming post on the virtues of the mullein plant.

    I’ve mentioned that some of my colleagues read my blog, right? Yeah. I’ve had to self-moderate for obvious reasons. 🙂 If I had time, I’d start a pseudonymous blog and tell everyone exactly what I really think, but alas.


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