Recall that in a recent post, I explained that I was working full-time for pay not as a way to serve my own ego – not so that I could “have the chance” to be a speech pathologist – but rather to provide financial resources to my family that my husband and I agree are needed at present in order to achieve a long-term family goal. I encouraged other women to view paid work not as a selfish means of self-gratification but rather as a selfless way of serving their families.
This clearly rubbed a feminist reader named Linda the wrong way. She can’t criticize me for working, since according to feminists that is the ideal state for women, but she could and did criticize me for not being selfish enough about my work and not engendered a self-centered Me first! attitude in our daughters regarding their future paid employment. Linda writes not as a serious point of discussion but rather as snarky sarcasm, which seems to be the most common form of feminist discourse:
Sunshine’s daughters can help out their husbands financially by working at jobs that don’t require a college degree.
Sunshine’s daughters cannot become speech therapists, since that requires a college degree and she’d like them to marry in their teens and begin having children.
Only Sunshine can be a speech therapist, because she got to delay marriage and childbearing till she had a marketable degree.
However, there are lots of jobs out there that are easy to get and don’t require college degrees. Sunshine’s daughters will get those instead.
Sunshine’s daughters will be OK with all this and won’t call their mom a hypocrite. They will never ask why she had the chance to become a speech pathologist and they did not.
Of course, I’ve never said my girls cannot attend college, only that they must live at home if they are unmarried while they attend school. I’ve also noted that college degrees probably are not worth the money for most people, not just women, and that our daughters will only attend college if they have a clear plan in mind for what they want to do with that degree; otherwise it just isn’t worth the expense.
Nevertheless, in the ugly feminist mindset it is not even conceivable that a woman would make choices based on what would best serve her family. Notice that in Linda’s comment, what really sticks in her craw is that I am getting chances to do something and my daughters might not get those chances…as if it were all about me rather than all about serving my family.
Why is it that whether a woman works or stays home, feminists are obsessed with making sure that she keep the focus firmly on herself? Although he was speaking only of home-keeping, Dalrock really hit the nail on the head about feminist ugliness when it comes to serving husbands and children:
Serving others in the mind of a feminist is an indignity, so cooking, cleaning, or any other act of service and love is the object of revulsion. Women now actually compete to show off their miserliness in caring for others, each trying to outdo the rest in proving they are the greatest scrooge with love. It has gone so far that large numbers of women are quite proud of the fact that they have never learned to cook or otherwise care for others. Their miserliness is a badge of honor. Not all women have adopted this extremely ugly worldview, but the ones who are going against the grain of the culture here understand better than anyone how uncommon their loving and caring attitudes really are today.
The ugliness of the feminist mind-frame towards cooking, cleaning, and caring for others is so profound that it is difficult to process. These women are so obsessed with not showing Christian love that they make it a priority not to serve their own families. Cooking, cleaning, and caring for their own husbands and children is a concept which is repulsive to them. Acts of service to others are in their twisted minds traps to be avoided, and many go so far as to order their entire lives around avoiding showing love to others, especially their families. These women are so gripped by miserliness they have made it a priority not to show love to their own children. When they find themselves unable to avoid an act of service and love to their families altogether, they first steel their hearts with resentment, turning their hearts to stone to avoid the feelings of selfless love they live in constant terror of developing.
I work full time at present because that is how I can best serve my family. That doesn’t mean I don’t like my work – I do like it, in fact, and strive to do it well – but the response of a feminist like Linda to the idea that I might do this for my family regardless of my own preferences (and that I am training our daughters to view work in the same way) demonstrates that feminists turn everything they touch – be it paid work or home-keeping – into miserly ugliness.