The feminist version of King Midas: everything they touch turns ugly.

Recall that in a recent post, I explained that I was working full-time for pay not as a way to serve my own ego – not so that I could “have the chance” to be a speech pathologist – but rather to provide financial resources to my family that my husband and I agree are needed at present in order to achieve a long-term family goal. I encouraged other women to view paid work not as a selfish means of self-gratification but rather as a selfless way of serving their families.

This clearly rubbed a feminist reader named Linda the wrong way. She can’t criticize me for working, since according to feminists that is the ideal state for women, but she could and did criticize me for not being selfish enough about my work and not engendered a self-centered Me first! attitude in our daughters regarding their future paid employment. Linda writes not as a serious point of discussion but rather as snarky sarcasm, which seems to be the most common form of feminist discourse:

Sunshine’s daughters can help out their husbands financially by working at jobs that don’t require a college degree.

Sunshine’s daughters cannot become speech therapists, since that requires a college degree and she’d like them to marry in their teens and begin having children.

Only Sunshine can be a speech therapist, because she got to delay marriage and childbearing till she had a marketable degree.

However, there are lots of jobs out there that are easy to get and don’t require college degrees. Sunshine’s daughters will get those instead.

Sunshine’s daughters will be OK with all this and won’t call their mom a hypocrite. They will never ask why she had the chance to become a speech pathologist and they did not.

Of course, I’ve never said my girls cannot attend college, only that they must live at home if they are unmarried while they attend school. I’ve also noted that college degrees probably are not worth the money for most people, not just women, and that our daughters will only attend college if they have a clear plan in mind for what they want to do with that degree; otherwise it just isn’t worth the expense.

Nevertheless, in the ugly feminist mindset it is not even conceivable that a woman would make choices based on what would best serve her family. Notice that in Linda’s comment, what really sticks in her craw is that I am getting chances to do something and my daughters might not get those chances…as if it were all about me rather than all about serving my family.

Why is it that whether a woman works or stays home, feminists are obsessed with making sure that she keep the focus firmly on herself? Although he was speaking only of home-keeping, Dalrock really hit the nail on the head about feminist ugliness when it comes to serving husbands and children:

Serving others in the mind of a feminist is an indignity, so cooking, cleaning, or any other act of service and love is the object of revulsion.  Women now actually compete to show off their miserliness in caring for others, each trying to outdo the rest in proving they are the greatest scrooge with love.  It has gone so far that large numbers of women are quite proud of the fact that they have never learned to cook or otherwise care for others.   Their miserliness is a badge of honor.  Not all women have adopted this extremely ugly worldview, but the ones who are going against the grain of the culture here understand better than anyone how uncommon their loving and caring attitudes really are today.

The ugliness of the feminist mind-frame towards cooking, cleaning, and caring for others is so profound that it is difficult to process.  These women are so obsessed with not showing Christian love that they make it a priority not to serve their own families.  Cooking, cleaning, and caring for their own husbands and children is a concept which is repulsive to them.  Acts of service to others are in their twisted minds traps to be avoided, and many go so far as to order their entire lives around avoiding showing love to others, especially their families.  These women are so gripped by miserliness they have made it a priority not to show love to their own children.  When they find themselves unable to avoid an act of service and love to their families altogether, they first steel their hearts with resentment, turning their hearts to stone to avoid the feelings of selfless love they live in constant terror of developing.

I work full time at present because that is how I can best serve my family. That doesn’t mean I don’t like my work – I do like it, in fact, and strive to do it well – but the response of a feminist like Linda to the idea that I might do this for my family regardless of my own preferences (and that I am training our daughters to view work in the same way) demonstrates that feminists turn everything they touch – be it paid work or home-keeping – into miserly ugliness.

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11 thoughts on “The feminist version of King Midas: everything they touch turns ugly.

  1. Actually, my focus was not on you or me. My focus was on your daughters, whom you hope to marry off in their teens.

    As for college, they can do what they want when they are adults. You can say they “must” do this or that, but they can do what they want at 18.

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  2. Isn’t it funny, Sunshine, you and I were both raised with the influences of the “Linda’s” of the world. Then like the feminists initially insisted we could, we used our very own brains and experiences to turn around, look at how we did things in our teens and early 20’s and determined that it did not met out the self actualization and empowerment that was promised. We both found that through our faith, relationship with God and obedience to Him in how we obey His call for women in marriage.

    The new feminists have changed their tune. Judgy Bitch has a great essay on how insulting and belittling their new message is. As you said in your post:

    Nevertheless, in the ugly feminist mindset it is not even conceivable that a woman would make choices based on what would best serve her family.

    For some reason, Linda does not trust that women like your daughters will be capable of discerning what would be best for them in their lives. Everyone is aware that adults can chart their own course. What she denies, and in doing so insults the very women she purports to defend, is their ability to choose to obey God or live in rebellion. She believes the rebellion must be taught to them in order for them to know it is available. That as parents we should encourage them to go and learn as we did how rebellion sets us back, messes with our psyches, and in today’s MMP, sets up young women for failure (if one acknowledges that being 40, barren, and single with cats is failure).

    She completely disparages women by insisting that daughters like yours are merely your and your husband’s puppets. That they aren’t smart enough to listen to what you have to say, check it with the Bible, pray on it, and determine for themselves that the Godly advice you give to them, is indeed the right path to follow.

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  3. I couldn’t offer one word of advice to run this blog at a lower profile and, yet, it still manages to attract someone like Linda to come here and be contrary and argumentitive.

    Linda, I think Sunshine’s daughters are well served by their mother.
    If you have an issue, the best thing would be to address it directly.

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  4. For all the trope that exists about what constitutes a real strong woman, the actual telltale is the ability to hold a civilized conversation. And that means sometimes not continuing a disagreement in favor of finding common ground. Real strong women build bridges; idiots yell at the river.

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    • I agree, once people start chucking insults at each other there isn’t much point.

      What I don’t agree with is everything Dalrock said above. I don’t know a single feminist, or any woman for that matter in real life or online who begrudges nurturing their families, and I know some pretty dreadful people. You’ve posted on Bodycrimes, and Cinzia’s blog, have you encountered anyone on there who boasts of neglecting their kids (without irony, that is)? Admittedly not everyone’s a domestic goddess, I’m not, I’ve been making the mince pies with shop bought pastry. But that doesn’t make me some dried up, steel hearted scrooge.
      For my part I’m rather looking forward to making Christmas dinner this Thursday.

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      • What?! After all the trouble I went to posting my pie crust recipe (with lard!) last year on my old blog and you’re using store-bought? *sigh*

        No, Dalrock’s right. I haven’t seen Cinzia or Chloe write like that, but then again they don’t have children. On the whole, I find that Cinzia and Chloe are pretty reasonable though I don’t agree with them on a philosophical level, and you seem more reasonable this year than last, no doubt because you spent many beneficial hours reading my old site. 😉 But it’s not uncommon at all for women to brag about not being able to cook or clean. I’ve seen it on Twitter myself.

        Actually, it’s sort of weird. Even when I considered myself a feminist, I still loved cooking, but I would have bristled at the idea that it was somehow my responsibility to do it. Of course, I was secretly dying to serve my husband in this way, though I didn’t like to admit it even to myself. But you know, my husband is as good a cook as I am and can do it if need be, though I’ve handled the lion’s share of it since having children. Now that I’ve gone back to work full-time, I’m still figuring out how to make home-cooked meals happen, but I still consider it my responsibility to handle this. My husband has his own responsibilities.

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      • My take on it is this: when I scold my students as a group for misbehavior, invariably the students who I am *not* talking to will take my message to heart, and the ones for whom my message is meant will be oblivious.

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      • I have a half-written, (properly referenced!) blog post about cooking and cleaning, which I WILL post in the New Year, which is all about how cooking and cleaning is a lot more complicated an issue than it seems, at least in Britain.

        Up to WWII, no middle-class woman (or even lower middle class woman) did her own household chores. Come to that, most women didn’t even raise their own children. That’s what nannies were for. ‘Housekeeping’ meant telling Cook what she should make for dinner.

        If you read 1930s/40s women’s literature from the UK, you’ll find a number of novels dealing with the wartime domestic crisis, when all the cooks, maids and charwomen went off to the war effort, leaving behind all these normal, average women who had NO idea how to cook for their own families. It was the basis for some bestselling comedy.

        The current trend in the UK for ready meals, cleaners and au pairs etc is actually a reversion to a long-established historical norm, rather than some horrible outgrowth of feminism.

        On top of that, we now have the situation where cooking has become a class marker. Lots of people say they can’t cook, when what they actually mean is they can’t cook restaurant quality food, which is what ‘cooking’ has come to mean.

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  5. Pingback: Feminist Grinches turn the holidays ugly. | The Sunshine Thiry Blog

  6. Pingback: Feminist New Year’s Resolutions – strangely they never include anything about caring for their families. | The Sunshine Thiry Blog

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